If you believed talk of a significant casino in little New Hampshire was all a bluff, certainly you have been shocked – shocked! – to see Gov. Maggie “Exeter Slim” Hassan roll up and push 80 million chips onto the table.
Hassan’s inclusion in her price range proposal of $80 million in new gambling revenue ups the ante in the state’s move toward jackpot-based budgeting.
Ka-ching! That’s the sound with the Granite State going all gambling state.
Welcome to Neon Hampshire!
Land of hearts, diamonds and dollar indicators.
The thrills! The adventures! The associated crime and social charges!
C’mon Fortunate 7: New Hampshire demands an financial infusion!
Stacks of money. Flashing lights. Jackpot bells and $100 bills.
Website in the future Trump’s Granite Golden Nugget!
Reside Totally free or Ka-ching.
Seriously. I am not a big gambler. One of the most I ever lost is $875,000. Plus the most I ever won is an immense undisclosed sum and a smaller island off the coast of Costa Rica. This, obviously, is what gamblers refer to as “bull.”
I am truthfully neither for nor against erecting a gaudy, ridiculous palace of rip-offs, lengthy odds and despair in our quaint, rustic state.
It isn’t me everybody’s going to scream at when human skulls begin piling up alongside I-95. (Unwind, that is just a metaphor. Surveys show casinos only lead to a modest 16.three percent enhance in human skulls piling up by the highway.)
But I am suggesting state leaders are suckers if they believe they could just yank the handle, wait for the slot machine to come up cherries, cherries, cherries then rake in all of the dough.
Due to the fact, you see, gambling is what sociology wizards call a “slippery slope.” It is a gateway vice. Meaning that prior to you know it the state could uncover itself involved in prostitution, a numbers racket, possibly even get caught up in drugs.
Studies show casino gambling brings with it a host of societal challenges like crime, addiction and certified morons acting like high rollers.
Also extortion, manslaughter, white slavery, fraud, forgery, counterfeiting, racketeering, drunken driving, identity theft, espionage, fourth-degree murder and pickpocketing.
To not mention youngster endangerment, contributing for the delinquency of a grownup and elaborate heists featuring a motley mob of colorful characters. And if American cinematic classics are any indication, we’re going to will need a desert to bury some of the bodies.
No, that is just Hollywood. (Full disclosure: I’m currently in talks with Brad Pitt and George Clooney concerning my script for “Atlantic Ocean’s Eleven.)
I’m just pointing on the market will inevitably be craps-hating naysayers who claim constructing a casino will result in a notable influx of guys named Deuce along with a 12 % increase in stone-faced, cheap-suit goons clutching briefcases.
Critics could also be concerned about security, however the correct is going to want that casino stocked with as numerous guns as humanly feasible, so no issues there.
And just think of the jobs. Appropriate off the bat you happen to be gonna need a complete bunch of seasoned roulette wheelers and poker dealers, and most likely at the very least a dozen knowledgeable drug dealers.
Also around the plus side, casino boosters will recommend that gambling assists our educational technique – and, correct, there are preliminary talks to donate 14 metric tons of two-day-old Chinese shrimp cocktail to public college cafeterias every single week.
There’s also the pro-casino argument that gambling helps children fully grasp math. (What’s the over-under on the York Higher playoff game?)
And it definitely is all about the youngsters, is not it? Community colleges, as well as grooming students in sophisticated manufacturing to meet the desires of developing industries, will need to come up having a certificate plan for the subsequent generation of pit bosses and slot machine repairmen.
Plus, conventional wisdom suggests there may possibly be some entry-level openings for those interested in the world’s oldest profession.
Except for the each of the suckers losing their shirts, it’s really win-win.
But to produce it all operate as magically as Maggie dreams it is going to, the casino’s going to require a winning name. (You know Donald Trump desires a piece on the action, but probably we could impose some sort of restraining order.)